On a frikkin freezing January morning I headed out for a 9am appointment at the hospital- my 34 week scan!
All was well in the world…
Obviously still pregnant.
Not a Braxton Hicks in sight.
Stretch marks looked as though they were about to make an appearance.
Excited that I had managed to secure a Moxibustion appointment to try and turn these bad boys head down.
Today was the day I knew I’d have to figure out some sort of birth plan and because baby A had always been bum down it was looking more and more likely I’d need to book in for a c-section.
Now, you see, I’m not that kinda girl… When I went into labour with my eldest I didn’t even want an epidural let alone ending up on an operating table being cut open and having my baby removed. Sounded like my worst nightmare. I had practised the Gentle Birth Method with Gowri herself. I had been aiming for a 7 pound baby via a vaginal delivery in a birthing pool with my partner rubbing my back, no pain meds and a guided visualisation cd playing. My first labour didn’t exactly go to plan but it was some type of similar version and this time I wanted the same. However, from the minute I was told I’d be having twins phrases like ‘high risk’, ‘pre-term labour’ and ‘caesareans’ kept being thrown around and my dream for another gentle birth was shattered. All I could do was concentrate on having at least a vaginal delivery…
34 week scan. Babies are doing well.
Baby A is still BREECH.
I had to book a date for my section which I decided would be Jan 29th. I’d be 38 weeks exactly and I was pretty sure I’d make it there because I was having absolutely no signs of labour, my bump hadn’t dropped… nada! I was actually starting to get worried that my body couldn’t go into labour on its own (I was induced with Eliyah because my waters broke but NO CONTRACTIONS).
I left my appointment with some information about c-sections trying to come to terms with what was about to come… I had a few hours of childcare left, a blog post to finish and an acrylic toenail that was rubbing up against the top of my Dr Martens which kinda hurt. So it was mani pedi time, kill the birds with one stone and all that, then I got a nice little lunch and headed home. Nap time for Eliyah- my favourite part of the day whilst pregnant- then nap time for me!!!!!!
I had barely drifted off to sleep when I heard a pop, then a gush of water that soaked my leggings and woke me up.
I called my mum at work whilst still lying on the wet sheets. She was with me within 15 mins as was my dad to take care of Eliyah. I called my eldest brother a bit dazed to let him know and ask him what to pack… sounds weird but I actually wanted him to be one of my birthing partners for male support sake. Then the doorbell rang 3 times, A PACKAGE!!!!! I kind of needed to answer the door because it was my Halston Heritage side bag that I’d need to remain stylish whilst being handsfree and juggling 3 kids under 2. I headed downstairs waters running down my leg and the stairs half covered in a towel because it didn’t fit around me anymore, opened the door, grabbed the parcel, slammed the door without signing the little computer pad thingy and called my midwife. She told me to use one of Eliyah’s nappies as a pad because I hadn’t bought any Tena Lady pants which was on my ‘hospital bag’ list. Eliyah wakes up whilst I’m trying to scrape together my hospital bag already crying his head off for MUMMY!!!! My Mum then tells me she called an ambulance and it’s outside…. I did not think this was an ambulance situation but apparently it was… My dad takes Eliyah who is in hysterics that I’m leaving, get in the ambulance with Mum and we’re whisked off to the hospital. Contractions start in the ambulance- YESSSS MY BODY CAN GO INTO LABOUR ON ITS OWN!
At the hospital I was taken straight into my room on labour ward and hooked up to monitors, my bloods taken, cannula fitted and then I’m basically fisted by a midwife to see how dilated I am. Only 1cm. I had a steroid shot in my butt…which was SO painful btw… to mature the babies lungs and some antibiotics to cover us all for infections since my waters had broken. Over the next couple of hours my contractions got stronger and more frequent and before you know it I was next in line for my caesarean after another set of twins were to be born.
I wasn’t in too much pain but the gas and air seemed like a great plan anyway so I got high on that, had some banter with Mum and the Midwives, had a shower quickly as this unexpected situation meant I had yet to de-hair then before you know it I was prepped for theatre.
Wow. C-sections are weird.
I walked into the operating room and everyone in there was so positive and reassuring that I didn’t really feel too scared… I was also still a little high from the gas and air so I imagine that helped too. The spinal injection hurt like HELL but that was the most painful part of the whole experience. Why did I think that C-sections meant I would feel nothing when they numbed me up? During the anaesthetist’s speech about what was going to happen and the potential risks he told me it would feel like rummaging around in a bag… that’s EXACTLY how it is. There’s no pain but you can kind of feel what’s happening like the pressure and the pulling AND I even felt the pop of baby B’s waters breaking. I’m happy about this because in my mind I’d taken on the uncomfortable and sometimes painful task of pregnancy so I wanted closure. I want to be able to feel what my bodies been working so hard for. I want to feel the final journey my babies have to get through to enter into this world!!!! Which I guess is one of the reasons why I really didn’t want to end up having a caesarean- because I thought I would feel nothing.
But I did. I felt everything I wanted to feel. I cried when each of them where pulled from my womb and held over the screen so I could see them. The overwhelming sense of complete, all consuming, unconditional love pumped through me like that bloody spinal they injected me with.
The radio was playing, there were about 15 people in the room sorting me and the babies out, my mum and midwife were making sure everything was going ok whilst I was being sewn back together. I didn’t get the chance to hold the twins as they both needed immediate help with breathing and then were whisked down to Neonatal Intensive Care (NICU) where they were both put in incubators. They needed breathing support, general monitoring and to be fed through a tube…
I was taken to my room and as I gradually got the feeling back in my lower body, I was given pain medication and fell asleep. 3-4 hours later I got to see my boys!!! They were TINY, a little squished and SO HAIRY everywhere… I couldn’t pick them up so I just stared at them for ages as the doctors filled me in on how we’d be moving forward.
My little baby monkeys are so beautiful.
PASHA and EADN born January 4th 2018 at 2.28am and 2.33am weighing 4lb 13oz and 5lb 2oz.
I’m so in love.
A week later they’re still at the hospital but both are off breath support. We’re working on getting their feeds up to scratch and weight gain. I’m trying to pump as much as I can and also breastfeeding them twice a day. IT’S OVERWHELMING but that’s a story for a different day!
Thank you for all the sweet messages and all the love and support everyone has shown since their births. I may not have gotten back to you or thanked you yet as you can imagine I got a lot going on, however, I see you and really really appreciate it! You guys are the best!